woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
