So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I will pee on everything he values.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
