For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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