No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
