i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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