I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
