Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
