I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You were trust falling into bushes
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
