yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
