this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
