I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
