After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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