Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
