I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
