Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
