this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
