Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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