things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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