I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
