my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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