I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
