Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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