dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Can you bring me the toilet please
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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