she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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