Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This is my gift to your gina
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
