Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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