if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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