I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
