we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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