Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
