My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
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It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
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Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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