OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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