you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
