Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
