Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
