You smell like stripper and shame
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Randomize
