we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
