she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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