I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
