Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
