I've blown a few things in my day
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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