I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
