I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
