Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
