While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
