i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
