Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
