mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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