miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
