In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
