Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I didn't notice because vodka
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
