dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
