I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
