Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize