Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dignity is for republicans.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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