I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
