so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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