There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
