i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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