i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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