I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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