your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
