Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
