So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
