I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
