Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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